we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
