you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
