Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
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That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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