I wish you could order shots online.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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