I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
