Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
