why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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