Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
