I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
