I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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