I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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