fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
