weddingsv make me drug and hornr
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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