Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
