you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
