p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
