Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
