wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
