That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
