i think my tv is drunk
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
