my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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