it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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