Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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