Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
