he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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