I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
