you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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