It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
