I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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