Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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