My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
...so i touched it.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
