You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
