Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
