I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
