no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
