you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So. Much. Porn.
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