I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
