his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
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He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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