You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
