i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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