Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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