why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
