trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
