so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
