Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
