And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
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i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
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I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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