Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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