i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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