Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
