I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
