help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
