I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
