Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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