i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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