I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
