The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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