You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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