Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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