his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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