worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
