I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
