I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
