let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
