What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
