Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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