guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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