Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
