Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
