I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
